Competence—knowing that you can handle a situation effectively—develops in children when we intentionally focus on their strengths. This doesn’t mean ignoring their weaknesses; it means making purposeful choices to recognize and build on what they do well.
When children make mistakes, focus on the specific incident rather than labeling the child. Then, help them reflect and strategize how to avoid making the same mistake again. This approach teaches problem-solving and personal responsibility—key elements of raising competent children.
The best way to build competence in children is by empowering them to make decisions. Even small choices, like asking toddlers if they want an apple or a banana, begin developing decision-making skills early. As children grow, offering them more meaningful choices strengthens their confidence and self-efficacy.
Parents should also be cautious that their protective instincts don’t unintentionally send the message that their children aren’t capable. True protection involves trusting their competence, guiding them through challenges, and celebrating progress.
