A mother’s love is often considered a universal constant, a foundational truth that transcends cultures and societies. It’s accepted as settled science, so to speak—an unshakeable belief that a mother’s love is the most steadfast of all. While a father may be absent, emotionally distant, or even cold, and friends may falter, even the best of friends, the love between a husband and wife might wane over time or under certain strains, the love of a mother is universally upheld as unconditional and endless.
This ideal of a mother’s love is so ingrained in society that it is rarely questioned. It’s exalted as the pinnacle of human virtue—sacred, pure, and unwavering. Yet, for millions of people, this ideal is far from their reality. For an ever-growing number of individuals, Mother’s Day has evolved into one of the most challenging holidays of the year.
For those who have faced abandonment, neglect, or mistreatment at the hands of their mothers, celebrating the day can feel like a profound act of hypocrisy. It’s difficult to honor a love that was never given, or to celebrate a figure who failed to live up to the ideal of motherhood. While it’s important to recognize motherhood as a beautiful and noble concept, the truth for many is that they cannot, in good conscience, celebrate their own mothers. For them, honoring the day is less about celebrating a personal relationship and more about a matter of obedience to God, a recognition of the sanctity of motherhood, rather than any reflection of their own experiences. And that is okay.
It’s okay because acknowledging the complexity of human relationships, particularly the bond between mother and child, allows for a deeper understanding of what it means to honor the concept of motherhood without imposing an unrealistic standard on those who have suffered.
It’s okay because not every person has the privilege of experiencing the idealized form of a mother’s love, and yet, their worth and ability to love others are not diminished by the absence of that ideal. Recognizing that reality frees people from the burden of feeling obligated to celebrate something that wasn’t part of their lived experience.
It’s okay because it’s a reflection of personal healing and growth. For many of us who are recovering orphans, it may be healthier to distance ourselves from the painful reality of a broken maternal bond, allowing ourselves the space to heal and reclaim our sense of self-worth. In honoring the ideal of motherhood—rather than focusing on the failures of our own mothers—we are choosing to break free from the cycle of disappointment, resentment, or emotional harm. It becomes an act of self-preservation, self-respect, and, ultimately, self-love.
It’s also okay because recognizing that honoring God’s command to honor our parents doesn’t always equate to honoring them as people who lived up to the standard we hoped for. It’s a nuanced understanding that respects the broader spiritual and moral context without demanding a personal emotional connection to the very thing that caused hurt. In this way, it allows room for grace and forgiveness without dismissing the pain or erasing the experience.
