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Orphanhood Identity Scale

A starting point to help you trace how disconnection may have shaped your story—emotionally, relationally, and spiritually.

There’s a kind of “orphan” many people carry—often without having the words for it. You don’t have to be a literal orphan for this to resonate. If you’ve ever felt you had to earn your place, hide your needs, or perform to be loved, this may help you name what’s been happening underneath the surface.

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What this is (and isn’t)

What this scale is for

The purpose of the OIS is not to diagnose, label, or reduce your story to a score, but to help you notice patterns that once kept you safe—and where healing may still be needed.

Not a Measure of Worth, Faith, or Effort

Not a Diagnosis

A Starting Point for Honest Reflection

How your responses will be used

We’re using this assessment to increase the sample size of people who have taken the OIS so we can better understand how orphanhood formation shows up across different stories and backgrounds. Your responses help inform ongoing research and development connected to Robert Day’s work.

How it works

Two parts: a rating scale + a background inventory

Takes about 5–10 minutes

Take the survey

Orphanhood Identity Scale

Orphanhood Identity Scale

Orphan Condition Index
I often feel I have to earn love or approval.
I don’t know who I am without achievement or performance.
I worry that if people saw the real me, they would leave.
I struggle to believe I am loved simply for who I am.
Stillness or silence makes me uncomfortable.
Rest makes me anxious. I feel guilty when I’m not productive.
I tend to ignore emotional or physical pain until it’s too much to manage.
I often feel like I don’t fully belong anywhere.
I fear that emotional intimacy will cost me something I can’t afford.
I find it easier to support others than to ask for support myself.
I often feel pressure to perform a version of myself online.
Sometimes I feel more like a label or a disguise than a person.
I believe God loves me, but I often feel distant from that truth.
I know the “right answers” about faith, but I struggle to rest in them.
Formative Background Assessment
Did you ever live in foster care or with non‑parental guardians?
Were you raised primarily by one parent, grandparent, or another relative?
Did you often feel emotionally unsafe or unseen in your home growing up?
Did a parent or caregiver struggle with addiction or mental illness?
Was there frequent conflict, instability, or separation in your household?
Did your family experience poverty or financial instability during your childhood?
Did you move frequently (more than three times before age 18)?
Did you experience bullying or chronic social exclusion growing up?
Did you experience the loss of a parent (for any reason)?
Did you witness or experience abuse—physical, emotional, or sexual?
Have you ever felt like you had to be the “adult” in your home?
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Name
First Name
Last Name

A quick note

Whatever you find here, remember: the scale doesn’t define you. It simply helps point to where your true self learned to hide—and where restoration may be needed most.

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